There is too much hatred in me. Well, not really. Just a lack of satisfaction that I’m happy and doing what I want to do and making progress, making a positive difference. Sometimes I think I just need to relax and stop judging. It’s bad when I keep hearing myself say “I hhaaaAATE the way…” It’s terrible! What’s HapPeNninG to me? Relax man. I need to just see the choices I have now and keep doing what I find fun and rewarding and meaningful. Push myself to improve, take myself out of comfort zone. Stop judging things out of my control and just reflect or laugh about them. Anyway…
News reporters. The personas they put on. That stupid way of talking and moving their head and using overly conscious hand gestures. What I don’t like is the pressure they seem to put on themselves. It’s not that I find it annoying (although it can be indeed be distractingly annoying) but that they are meant to be professional journalists, conveying information and focussing on the facts. And yet more effort seems to go into hair and make-up, their speech, how they walk and the overall impression they make than on the actual story and its relevance and importance. I never get a sense of ownership of the story, that the reporter covered it their way. All of them fit into the same package. Plus, is the generic stock footage of banks, streets, supermarkets, the city really necessary? Does it add anything at all?
Why is it that so many great artists start out by being unconventional, breaking the rules and getting to the point of things without superficial elements interfering only to be universally dismissed and forgotten (and laughed at) until years later when everyone finally praises their work? I suppose it’s the same process with more serious occupations. Meaning most of the stuff at the top is mediocre and lacks vibrance. It’s popular in its time but will pale in comparison to what was great in retrospect. I do find SkyNews to be pretty good from the little I’ve seen of it. There are probably many independent or publicly funded media organisations that do good work. But it seems there’s money to be made in news and unfortunately high quality news reporting isn’t the best way to make the most money. Does it sicken anyone else the way news programs advertise themselves by pointing out all the great work they did during disasterous events? Is news just a branch of entertainment now?
The food chain of human beings. This just kind of hit me. I never understood how anybody had any power. Let’s say someone has some big fancy title and gets to tell people what to do. Why do they just do what he or she says? How can they be intimidated so easily? I’ve never had respect for authority. I feel nobody has greater authority over me than myself and I try to do what is morally right (what I believe is morally right).
Anyway, I realised it’s because of the massive structure they’re sitting on. It’s like A Bug’s Life (or 七人の侍). There’s so many of us, but we’re not united. Nobody wants to get hit first. Nobody wants to get fired. So they pass it down. Like a bully whose parents pick on them, they pass it on. Then there are the bureaucrats who live for this stuff. They want to climb a ladder. They believe the world works this way with everyone on a particular level and everyone starts at the bottom and tries to get to the top. They only care about going up. Of course, they want to earn it. But not by being creative or adding something to the world. Only by being good at following orders. Loving the rules and living by them. Sucking up to the people above and treading on the people below.
Freedom of thought. You should never accept guilt that you don’t feel you deserve. People can try to shame you but you should only feel shame from inside yourself. You’ll know why. Otherwise you won’t understand or learn. You’ll beat yourself up forever and never heal. I’ve heard people say that everyone’s racist. It makes me wonder, how do I know I’m not racist? I guess I don’t know for certain. But I strongly believe I’m not, in any way, and never have been. That goes for any form of prejudice or discrimination. I’m open to learning about myself but that’s why I need facts and examples
Too often, blanket statements are put out there, coming from a good place but not helping. Saying that people don’t realise they’re discriminating. That’s fine. But examples are more powerful. And these kinds of vague arguments get brought up all the time. If I call someone out on something, they can try to point out that I’m being a hypocrite by questioning whether I’m guilty as well but it’s irrelevant. It’s not an attack. It’s an observation. Acknowledge whether it’s true or not and then, separate from that, you can bring up things that I do if you want. We can help each-other.
I believe you should reflect on things, look inside yourself, be open-minded and listen to other points of view. But ultimately you have to trust yourself. You have no obligation to change your mind. Don’t let uncertainty creep in. Don’t accept fundamental ideas that you don’t really believe in or understand just to please others. All of your rational considerations will have been poisoned by something foreign. This is what happens when students accept a maths formula they don’t get. The rest of their understanding rests on an unstable base. How many things do you “believe” that you don’t believe at all?
You have access to all the truths out there. Your brain is just as unique and profoundly powerful as Einstein’s or any other highly proclaimed intellect. You can relate to all living things, have the potential to understand any possible concept. Don’t delegate any of your understanding to what apparantly know better unless you want to. And remember where you got the information from.
The right to lie. Murder and stealing seem like good examples of pretty fundamentally immoral things to do. But lying isn’t bad at all even though it is often referred to as one of the classically obvious examples of immorality. You don’t have to give information to anyone at anytime. Sure, you could come up with lots of examples where it’s bad but I could do that with murder and stealing as well.
Lying usually implies someone asked you something. They came to you. Chose to ask you. You don’t have to answer, let alone tell the truth. There are many instances where to not answer would imply a certain answer (usually an unfavourable one). Hence, lying is sometimes necessary to maintain one’s privacy. Lying might make someone untrustworthy and useless but certainly not worthy of eternal damnation. Anyone who believes all the information they get by asking is only asking for trouble (the word “asking” appeared twice, no, three times in this sentence). One of the most valuable skills in life is being able to read people, including detecting their lies. As they say, communication is 92.38% body language so make sure you’re “listening”. Instead, verify things for yourself or ask indirect questions. You can learn a lot (and usually with far more certainty and solid grounding) by being a detective and putting things together for yourself.
Every problem either has a solution (which can be found somehow) or there is some way to prove that it doesn’t have a solution. Of course, if you prove that it doesn’t have one, you can, and probably should, stop looking. I believe this logic applies to practically everything in life. As long as you understand (in whatever language) what you’re looking for and checked that it’s not actually impossible, your journey is worthwhile and should eventually end somewhere interesting. But be careful you’re not looking for something that doesn’t exist. People seem to go on these wild goose chases a lot. If it’s been a long time, it might be good to restate your assumptions and make sure you’re not wasting your time.
Sorry if this is pretentious. I feel like I used to be much sillier and just loved being satirical and sarcastic and making fun of things and wondering about things. Oh well. This is where I’m at for now. This point in my life. This month. This year and time and place. Hopefully I’m figuring some stuff out and this isn’t all worthless. Right? Right, everyone?