Nihilistic Questions

Cancer. I can’t comprehend it. What it would be like to find out if you had it. I think I would just break but I suppose there’s no point being hypothetical and worrying about something without reason. But it makes you wonder about what life is. Are you really living? Should death scare us? Does it suggest that we’re all separate from eachother? That we’re primarily concerned with our own wellbeing and simply getting ahead? One big rat race? Maybe it’s a good exercise to ponder your own mortality. It’s funny how doctors seem to have the only job where you can literally get away with saying “there’s nothing we can do”. I would have thought that means you’re failing at your job. Can’t you do research? Try something? Suggest some change in diet or lifestyle? Anything that might help!

Oktoberfest. Why does this exist and yet Spider-man week doesn’t? Or The Spanish Dancing Parade? They all make equal sense to me. You begin to wonder about the origins. Why on Earth is drinking so popular? And since when was drinking hijacked to been drinking alcohol? THAT VERB IS ALREADY TAKEN. It means consuming liquids, generally to quench your thirst. Not getting drunk. That needs a separate word, okay? Funny seeing people dressed up in random German costumes from like the 18th century or something. All the cleavage and straps and stupid hats. Hey, I’m Dr. Seuss! Like Bruce Willis at the start of The Sixth Sense when he was drunk.

Hypothesis: 68% of mispellings in pronouns were legitimate errors. For example, Mortal Kombat and Se7en (pronounced sesevenen) were probably deliberate. But Flo Rida (flow rider), Deadmau5 (dead mouse) and about 400 other popular artists were probably actually trying their best to sound out their chosen name in (hard to believe it was their first language) English. It’s funny when people write English with an accent. It doesn’t really make sense. It may be helpful in novels to emphasise character, but for most other things, it would be far more logical to just spell things correctly. We were reading a script for Oklahoma! a while ago and I found it tricky because of the strange mispellings. I could do the overthetop accent just fine as long as I could actually read the real words.

It all keeps changing. The direction, the excuses. Maybe I’m strong, maybe I’m an idiot. Am I angry or calm and friendy? I have no set path at the moment. Wandering around. Stuck trying to figure out what happened. Understand the past. My origins. How I got to this place, in all the different senses. Wanting to recapture those old feelings. The purity of it all. The simplicity of innocence. Actually not knowing the answers. Asking sincere questions. Experiencing so many new things. Never being desensitised to anything. Having infinite belief in good and infinite excitement and imagination. A fantasy that never existed. A new life that is more meaningful. No longer an excuse. A way. Something that resonates deeply. Not forced at all. Clever similes to describe the state of being. At peace and alive. Contradicting all the darkness at once. Here I am, eternally in between, but maybe only for now.


About karnok

A legendary ninja.
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