Alas, another day is gone. All these little checkpoints in your mind. They overtake you. You try to be pure. What’s with all these ads on the internet nowadays? Now they load a new one every 30 seconds or something. Just when you think the page is finished and done, it spends half of your internet usage on updating the little ads in the corner. Is that the only way to fund things now? No strings attached. Why does it think I’m that kind of a person? Am I the only one that finds that a huge turn off?
Why is it sometimes so much easier to feel bad and annoyed at myself than to just feel good and excited? I think I’m too harsh on other people so it reflects on me. I need to simply *do* more. That will distract me from my supposed flaws as well as the universal flaws of all humanity. There’s still this fundamental concept of breaking out of the moment. How many people can transcend their situations? Come up with the solution nobody thought was even possible. Others can’t even comprehend it, even after they’ve seen it done.
If it’s enough to make you lose hope and want to give up, then it must be some kind of challenge at least. Don’t worry, you’ll catch up soon enough. There’s always that subtle difference between just making things awkward and actually finding a sophisticated new skill to develop. Just because there’s an easier way doesn’t mean it’s redundant to have learned it your way. We have these conversations with ourselves. Teasing out the details. Trying to find the right answer, at least for now. Who remembers what the world looked like 10 years ago? Who can last a day without their clever little phone? Or the internet or any of those other fancy, modern things? But what would it prove anyway? What’s wrong with using something that’s already there? There’s the side of you that goes in and the side that comes out. The parts that die and the parts that grow. Of course, we’re often not aware of the losses. They are easily forgotten. Dead friends can’t ring to say they’re dead. If your soul isn’t regularly revisiting places, how do you know how much is missing?
The origin of genius. They say 99% perspiration. Perhaps it is a positive and true message, that you should work hard. But is it remotely true? Is this saying itself only true 99% of the time? What of those brilliant artists and scientists of history? They simply worked hard? What advice is there for the self-contained master? I suppose they need no tips. They would ignore them anyway, find their own way no matter what. We seem to revel in our ignorance. We don’t want to understand new things. We just want to slot them in. Like leading a witness. We ask about the process, the method. Is it like this? Like a cross between this and this? The questionee awkwardly agrees “sort of”. Or “you could say that”. They want to please the masses. We need a simplified understanding of our “great” people. Otherwise, we won’t accept them. Some of them shun us and we shun them. History revives them and buries us. Others play the game and lead a double life. By the way, I’m obviously a total expert on this.
The original inspiration is gone. Now it’s just a pale imitation, a weak echo. Still alright, but hard to judge fairly. The context is intrinsically there. One final effort and it could be a minor success. Not too disappointing. But maybe it shouldn’t have been done. It takes away from what came before it. I think we’re meant to “accept” things. As in, don’t lie about it or try to hide it. Don’t wither away because of it. But it doesn’t mean you have to be okay about it. Direct your anger into something meaningful and positive. Not a stereotypical concept of positive but something personal. Something you understand perfectly well. There are no absolute morals. Except that you should have them and follow them. They’ll always be unique to you and constantly evolving. You don’t have to be consciously aware of them for them to exist. When we analyse ourselves, we often seem to forget that many of our feelings and actions come from our subconscious, something we can’t control.