Old Souls

Emotion is death. Is rebirth. I’m not crazy, just had this sudden inspiration. Feeling cold much of the time. Funny how feeling emotions connects you back to yourself somehow. Gives you motivation. Esteem. You carry something with you. Don’t just represent yourself but a set of beliefs (or something) because you need those to feel. Emotion comes when you finish something. Always at the end. Never at the beginning. It’s when you sever the tie.

Emotions are echoes of whatever was lost or sacrificed. We aren’t like rocks or trees. We can turn into anything. We flow. You hold something and then let it go. Obsession will destroy you. Why fight your true nature? We get the best of both worlds. Consciousness is only possible on this narrow shore.

Creation. So fascinating and bizarre. It takes two. Knowing and not-knowing. A natural process. Splitting your soul. I remember I once felt this strange guilt about the holocaust. We can’t separate ourselves from it. It’s so distant but haunts me. I know nothing about it. Just that “bad” things have been done by people in the past. You feel ashamed to be human. But I guess there are plenty of good stories too. Need more of those wonderful, free, amazing dreams. So clear and other-worldly. The real world. Where things make sense. The great artworks live. You show someone something and they start using it. The chain begins. A part of you lives in them now. All about you. The world is neutral. Anything you say about it is a reflection on you not it.

The difference between a drug and a passion. Stopping either has negative effects. But maybe the first one only has temporary negative effects which wear off once you’ve lost the addiction and moved on to healthier habits, whereas the latter will always be a loss. Maybe you have more control with the second one. How do you know whether you want to do something for good reasons or bad reasons? If you don’t like it when others act impulsively, you’ve got to understand where *your* needs are coming from. Compromising in times of desperation. Putting off small pleasures for urgent and possibly unpleasant matters. If you play Go, there are some great proverbs that come out of it.

Passion has emotion as well. It has endpoints. Separate components. A “drug” (my general term for a bad habit for now) becomes a big amorphous mess. Memory. The more you remember, the more you lived? Whatever, that’s stupid. But you can’t progress and make connections without a good memory. And that’s a strange term. Everyone “has” a good memory. But most people don’t look. They don’t remember stuff. Why would they? You’ve got to see choices and make them. Mark out a path for yourself.

Abrupt ending ftw!


About karnok

A legendary ninja.
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One Response to Old Souls

  1. Just spent an hour reading your blog instead of studying for my exam in the morning… It was mesmerising! Reminded me of my favourite Nick Cave song…..

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